Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Ringbearer T-Shirt design


I have been so busy lately with non-creative work it seems like. I just finished this T-Shirt design for Iowa's own Ringbearer. Our former tour flames. I need to crank a bunch more designs for My America so maybe more tk?

Overheard on the R2

Right. No. It’s soda. And I don’t give little children soda. It has nitrates in it. No. Okay here we go.
30th street station, next stop.
You are really going to get a dose of the old… [something]
No. The only reason why is you drank that whole Mickey D’s milk and I know your bladder is like [something]. And I just don’t want it to go kapow. I’ll take those chips from you. Stop it. Dude, I swear. I can’t wait until we get home. This is what I have had to deal with all day. Remember all this that you are doing to me. Because you are in for a special treat when you get home. It’s called jalapeño spiced butt. I’m counting every time you kick me. You are going to be grounded all day. Dude I need [something], by tomorrow. Just because of that little boy. You think people want their clothes all over where you are putting your feet. You sit up there with that hat and be quiet. I have just realized how devastating you have become. Sit up, son. This is what you do to me in public. At home you are a different child. Sit up and put this in your lap. Back in my day, parents used to be able to hit their children in public, but now someone like me would go to jail for that. I can’t believe the change in my little boy. I’m embarrassed. Do you know what that means? Boy, if I would’ve known you were going to act like this today, I would’ve never came down here. What? You wish you had some sleep? Turn around and sit down. Turn around and SIT DOWN. No, I’ve had enough of you today. Turn around and sit down. People know here that you don’t get disciplined and that’s why you act like this.
[Train stops somewhere after 30th street station before University City] This is engineer to the conductor for the third time.
[Train resumes. Conversation between man who looks like to be about 50 with a 20 year old beard, long grey hair and glasses and his 6 year old son stops.]
Tickets please.
[Conversation four seats in front of me begins again, much to my delight.]
Out of all the years of me coming down here. This is the first time you coming here has ever been this way. The whole way here and the whole way there you have been disrespecting. Since you moved to that neighborhood. I saw that boy and how he disrespected his mother and you have been around him too much. I promise you, when we get home you are going to wish you had a different family. 5 years of you knowing me dude, you have never acted like that. You are grounded for the day. You are never going to act like that for the day. I hope I never run into any of these people ever again. No tv, no treats.
[Boy begins to cry loudly. Everyone in the car can here.]
Please let me play, I just want to play.
You’ve got 8 minutes to convince me, like I told you. I know. Relax. I told you, we’ll talk about it.
I can’t play.
Is your belly okay?
No.
Darby.
The whole thing is how you act here from now.
Just a few more stops now.
Do you have half a quarter? What? You don’t? Sit up on that seat right there again. Come on this is hard, you are hurting my heart.
I want to play.
Babe stop, you’re hurting my heart. You shouldn’t be a follower you should be a leader. Like you were. A cool dude.
Sharon Hill, next.
I could only do this [something].
You did the better than I could.
Look. Look. Well, look. It’s a wolf!
Folcroft is next.
[At this point the man makes a gesture with his hand towards his face which brings the back of his hand into view over the seats and I notice he has some really insane looking prison tattoo. And then I realize he reminds me a lot of Charles Manson.
Dude, what? We almost missed our stop.
[They get off at the last second at Glenolden and walk away. I notice he has a lot more than one tattoo on both of his hands. His tattooed hand holds the little boy’s while his other holds a shopping bag from The Children’s Place.]
Norwood. Norwood.
[I’ll be in Wilmington by 4:12 hopefully.]
Prospect Park. Prospect Park.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

ChaCha for real

I first heard about ChaCha about a month or so back when I was in Texas. A guy in a band we were on tour with happened to mention a friend of his who would just answer text messages about random things and make about .10 cents per question. I thought this guy was kidding. It instantly made me think of those hilarious commercials I kept seeing for KGB with the dude from Gilmore Girls running through people’s yards telling you recipes for Daiquiris. “Just text 542-542 if you need me!” So my next thought was: so people actually answer these questions? Independent contracting? That’s wild. Well ChaCha is the same thing but better (my employee loyalty may have already kicked in or maybe it’s that they just pay better than KGB.) So this whole thing sounds easy right? Sounds awesome? Well I thought so. And the best thing is I keep telling people about it and no one knows what the fuck I am talking about. I would have figured by now everyone would have been blowing this place up, but apparently they haven’t been hiring so frequently as of late. So here is the story of how I lucked out and got to tell people what the score of the Liverpool match was for about $1.50 an hour.

I remember looking it up online and seeing that signing up didn't seem that difficult so I thought I might give it a shot, but figured I would wait to try it when I wasn't roaming around the country in a van with a broken laptop. This way I could actually dedicate some time to it. Well here I am, I have been home for some three weeks and I finally decided to give it a shot. After about two and a half hours of "training" and taking about three quizzes to prove my worth, and further, waiting about two days for my results, I was hired. Today was my first day working for these people whom I will never meet and I have to say I have enjoyed it so far. The training videos were pretty annoying, but I will have to say they tried pretty hard to make it entertaining. Some colorful use of language by some über-geeks probably had something to do with that. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but it was funny. So about two or three hours later I have made about $4.00 and change while watching baseball and drinking beer. I set up direct deposit. I get to answer some of the most hilarious questions ever (more on this later) and I get to stop whenever I feel consumed by the overwhelming stupidity of the masses. Unfortunately, I know there will be some frustration that will come along with this, so for now, I hold my breath. You have to make your first cool hundo before they start paying you. My goal is to do that before the 15th so I can make some extra bills, but that’s kind of hard when I have to ignore questions while I write this post. I would say ChaCha should give me a bonus for giving them a good review, but ChaCha is essentially run by me and single-mothers and people on house arrest who need drug money. So needless to say, they aren’t reading my blog (hopefully because there is more on this too). So without further adieu, here are my favorite questions from my first day of work being a ChaCha guide.

1. Where is the Shift key?
2. What’s the difference?
3. Are the Dodgers going to win the World Series? (Probably the most hilarious one.)
4. Are you a robot?
5. Will the Phillies win tonight? (This one is always easy, especially when they are down by 7 runs going into the 7th inning― they always do.)

And to whoever asked me who played Artemis at the Langey College production of the Ant and the Grasshopper in Oakland: First of all, maybe your fat fingers inhibited you from typing the actual name of the college LANEY and the fable that is known as the ANTS and the Grasshopper and second of all, Why? Are you crushing on Artemis? Well I didn’t tell you who it was because I couldn’t find out with the terrible information you provided. Luckily ChaCha has empowered me with a button called “Clarify” where I click and pass the question onto the next unsuspecting housewife sipping on a Daiquiri who may or may not pull her hair out after you “clarify” your question. Good luck you fuck. And good luck to me answering some more questions about the Brewer game.

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